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Please choose the option that best describes the current condition of your penis.
Pristine, like a smoking new Ferrari
Slightly used. Low mileage. Only one owner
Used, but functional
Slightly damaged. Lots of handling.
Worn. Peeling. A real fixer-upper.
Falling apart. Overworked. Heavy mileage.
How often do you use your penis?
Socially once or twice a week
Regularly - multiple times a day
Rarely, only on special occasions
Just me? Daily. You only asked about my own use, right?
Never
Only when my wife approves
How often does your penis think "for" you?
Once a week
Daily when I go on the Internet to, uh, do "research."
Never. I don't drink alcohol.
Two or more times per day
Once a month when I go out with my buddies and end up shagging my ex-girlfriend
Who Has Your Penis Been In?
Actress Hallie Berry
An entire sorority
An entire convent
Sarah Palin
Oprah Winfrey
The chick everyone calls “Jabba The Hutt”
Your Cousin
A Haitian Heroin Addict
What kind of underwear protects your penis?
None. I believe in the free swinging "happy camper" approach :)
Boxers, of course. Like a real man.
I wear bikini briefs, otherwise known as the "banana sack."
I wear women's underwear. I'm a drag queen.
Tighty whities that my mom STILL lays out for me with my clothes and Dungeon & Dragons costumes, even though I tell her not to.
Are You the Sole Owner of Your Penis?
One. I never loan out my penis – even to good friends.
Yes, but it’s a constant power struggle with my right hand!
No. I believe in reincarnation. My penis has had many owners over thousands of years.
No. I pawned it for beer money once, but later came to my senses and bought it back.
No, my wife keeps it locked in her dresser drawer. Once in a while she lets me look at it. A couple times per year she let’s me take it out and wear it.
Describe Feedback from Your Lovers About Your Penis’ Performance
You’re hung like a Greek god and Brad Pitt combined!
The small hands/small feet formula doesn’t apply to you
I’d rather eat Vegemite than put that thing in my mouth
Your penis is as exciting as an inebriated Sloth
“Midget Man” comes to mind
What Pet Names do You Call Your Penis?
The Dong-in-ator!
Tool of pleasure and thunder of the Gods!
Thor
The Dungeonmaster!
Top Gun
Long Dong Silver
The Hammer
QUESTIONS REMAIN:
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